 Media and the medical field may be full of suggestions for you. Things to try and do, conversations to have, and opportunities of change. These conversations and chances may come with highs and lows as more adjustments feels like "failure" to you. The bottom line is that you feel like you're doing something wrong and the emotional toll on you is taxing. A picture may have been presented to you, of how easy and natural and effortless it could be. The difference between expectation and reality can be difficult to accept and process. You had a vision and a goal for nursing and the reality hasn't been the same. Perhaps during the journey you may have tried different opportunities for change and in the process felt yourself drifting further into grief. When adjustments were made, you may have been lost in the waves of information available online. You may have had to ride the highs and the lows of promises of change or create an alternate route you didn't plan for. For many, allowing for the time and space to heal may be a process because of other ongoing emotions and changes around us. Take a moment and think about your own energy level. If you were a gas tank, are you nearing empty? Are you half full or are you running on a full tank? Keeping with this metaphor, what fills your tank? Good sleep, exercise, and a balanced meal may help. Some additional steps like a hot shower, a hug, playing music, and hearing a friendly voice can make a huge different in our mood. As you continue to process, take note of your energy levels and when you can benefit from a boost. If you notice a dip in energy after talking about it, feeding sessions, medical appointment, etc. let's make a goal to do one thing for yourself in these moments to gain some energy back. I'm proud of you for recognizing your emotions and have chosen to look up types of support. You deserve to have some time to focus on you. I see you and you're doing a great job at parenting but you're also very important. Now that we have identified some of the negative thoughts and emotions, what can you do with them? Here are some options that I sincerely hope will provide you some relief: Lead the conversation - In medical appointments and while communicating with people during your feeding journey, try to highlight phrases and terms that feel correct for you and your baby. When we lead the conversation, it directs people in a more mindful direction. For instance, if you're contacting a medical professional, you can tell them how you're supplementing breast milk and formula in a combination that works for your mental health so that they are more likely to be mindful. Similarly, we can lead the conversation with formula to highlight what is working for you and your family. As Kaia Lacy,CLC,IGT said "every pediatrician is qualified to provide medical care to children. but that doesn't mean they're all experts in breastfeeding." Not to say that medical professionals are problematic, but some may have more mindful language when discussing mental health. As parents, we are the experts of our family so we can find the balance of listening to professionals but guiding the conversation to individual families' needs. Stick to meaningful mantras - Mantras are short reminders and sayings we can say to ourselves and have repeated back to us by our supports. They can be used in all tenses and adjusted to match feelings and needs. Examples for our feeding journey may include: "I am a great parent in how I care and connect for my child" "My child is fed and growing" "There will be less emphasis on feeding soon" "I can bond with my child no matter how we feed" "A healthy parent is the best parent" "This season will pass" "(insert technique) is an opportunity but I can use some, all, or none as I need" I invite you to add your own mantras below in the comments to share and see support. Use supports - Pick and utilize the people and groups that you feel most comfortable and supported in discussing your feeding journey. Examples may include but are not limited to your partner, personal doctor, lactation consultant, religious/spiritual group, pediatrician, immediate family, moms group, etc. Similarly, I highly recommend noticing who you're more likely to feel drained from and set boundaries, as needed. Some clinicians specialize in parenting, postpartum, and the feeding journey. You deserve to have safe places to land. Wherever you are in your feeding journey, know that you are not alone, and that you're doing a great job. Whatever way your baby is fed, is best. Stay well,
Additional ResourcesParental Stress Hotline: 1-800-632-8188 Pregnancy and Postpartum Support: 1-800-944-4PPD The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988 Office on Womens Health 1-800-994-9662 *there are many ways to feed, nurse, tend to our baby, and tend to ourselves. While this post focuses on a specific section of care and supports I invite you to find resources that resonate most with you.
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AuthorMegan Bowling, M.A., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has been in the mental health field for more than ten years and is passionate to share mental health wellness strategies. 
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