Setting Holiday Boundaries to Reduce Winter Exhaustion

The winter months and holidays can be a popular time to attend more social gatherings, have a change in schedule, and feel a spectrum of emotions. For many, this season can also mean higher than average levels of anxiety, depression, and grief because of the additional costs, events, and hard emotional reminders. While every individual has a slightly different strategy of reducing the exhaustion they may feel, let's discuss some tips on what you can do to keep the holidays bright and merry.

1. Create Your Own Space

Amidst darker days and a busier schedule, find time to take a solo breaks.  Does the dog need to be walked? Need a drink refresher? Want to catch up with someone you haven’t talked to in a while?  It's been a while since you've moved your body? These might be just some of the reasons you can change your scenery and take a break for a moment. Remember, short variations of self care are healthier than no self care at all.  If you find that a busy period you need more time, designate longer breaks into your schedule when possible. ​​

Being overwhelmed in a group may be a sign that a social break is needed

2. Keep Things Small

We all have a different level of comfort for who we are connecting with.  Try focusing your energy and attention to events, people and details that are most likely to help you throughout the season.  If you’re looking to grow your social group, try expanding it by attending events with new people while you have a comfort person with you. Similarly, we can try to focus on attending smaller events and talking to others in a smaller ratio. During this time, it's really important to check in with yourself to determine your own comfort and emotional regulation.

People are often more comfortable speaking openly in smaller groups of close friends/family

3. Set Boundaries

This might be one of the harder ones for most.  We may have an abundance of holiday events that we are invited to but this doesn’t mean that we have to attend each of them.  Similarly, we can make accommodations for events we do attend.  We can stay a shorter period of time, bring a comfort person, take breaks, etc. If just the thought of an event has you feeling exhausted, this could be a sign that you should make an accommodation for yourself.  ​

4. Keep It Light

Holiday time is usually a good time for strengthening relationships and reconnecting with people we may be seeing less frequently.  We can plan ahead on how we choose to respond to certain topics. If there’s something that you would rather not discuss, you may want to plan how to change the topic to something you would be more comfortable discussing at length.  Similarly, you can decide how much information you want to share.  For example, We can provide a summary or quicker answer to a topic we are less comfortable discussing and then maneuver the topic.  If needed, created a boundary with the person, group, or topic. 

Safe and comforting conversation can feel very rewarding

5. Create A Plan After The Holidays

With such a heavy focus on a short time period, people often lose sight of planning into the future.  The post holiday lull may have a negative effect on our mood; with a big change from high social priority to low. Planning for change doesn't have expensive or time consuming. The primary focus is to create an annual goal and focus on rewarding social events. Returning to a normative schedule during and after the holidays can also be very helpful for our health.

When we check in with ourselves, we're more likely to feel emotionally regulated and positive. During the holidays, it's especially important to focus on our mental health, energy level, and individual resources. When we're mindful of our needs as individuals, we are more likely to notice and process any difficult emotions and symptoms; allowing us in turn to focus on our goals and connect to others. ​

During this festive season, I hope you and yours have a relaxing and fulfilling holiday. Wishing you love and peace every month of the year. 
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Stay Well, ​

Author

Megan Bowling, M.A., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Southern California.  She has been in the mental health field for more than ten years. Megan's specialties include: anxiety, trauma, life changes, mood, relationships, and school challenges.