We want to keep internal and external differences in mind. For instance, some members of the house and community may be feeling very similar feelings internally but showing these feelings differently externally (Pedraza et al.) Younger children may take longer to process and may choose to include their lost loved one various forms of art and play. Versus an adult who may choose to honor their loss by giving their time to others. There are many therapeutic ways to grieve and process but family togetherness and connection are generally regarded as important opportunities. (Pedraza et al.) Connection expands our community and is a friendly reminder that we are not alone. We may all feel emotions and process them in different timelines and focus on different aspects but the shared experience is bonding. Culturally, the community can connect at a funeral which may be helpful for most. Similarly, others may come together for different events or shared causes. Sometimes in our society, we have a very specific concept for how quickly we should grieve. With timelines focusing around the funeral, benchmarks, and an end time in sight. However, the bereavement process often exists for well over a year. This is not to say every day will feel heavy and uncomfortable; but be kind to yourself if it feels like the journey is swift. My favorite way of describing grief comes from Lauren Herschel where she describes grief as a large ball in a tight box. As we hurt from loss, the "pain" button within the box is constantly activated. Over time, the ball gets smaller and is less likely to activate the pain button. The sadness will still exist but the feelings associated may be less intense and come up less frequently. People around us usually have the best intentions and want to be supportive. You are not expected to know what you need but if you're willing to try a few options, you're more likely to feel balanced while you're grieving. I highly recommend being direct for what you need if you're willing and able. For example, accepting prayers/positive thoughts but not physical items or asking to focus on joyful memories and not medical details. Some additional areas of relief may include: Using Community - Connecting with friends, neighbors, church/spirituality center, local mental health resources, etc. could be helpful in feeling supported and encouraged after their passing. Specifically, individual, marriage counseling, and/or family therapy may be especially beneficial for processing end-of-life preparations and bereavement. Family focus - Group bonding can help with the grieving process. Time together can be especially helpful when members can communicate directly, mutual reflection, meaningful relationships, and offer time to share the joyful memories as well as process the pain. Examples can include looking at videos, sharing memories, pictures, favorite games, shared locations, etc. Research also suggests that preparedness for death, resilience, and benefit-finding can help the family with end of life support (Thaqi et al.). Building legacy - How we choose to continue a relationship after loss can be really helpful. Examples may include visiting their grave or favorite location to feel closer to them. It could be donating, volunteering, or helping in their name. Wishing to use the hurt to grow something good may help us feel more connected to memories and the joy surrounding them. Emotional Connection - Giving more energy and love to immediate family members can be helpful in the grief process. Examples can be connecting through letters, music, and quality time together. I often hear from others that shared space with minimal communication can be cathartic. Where loved ones can just "be" together without feeling pressure to fill the space. Examples could include enjoying a hobby, a quiet game, or watching something together. Self care - At the beginning of this article I highlighted the power of internal feelings and how important our inside thoughts can be. Self care is the art of taking time, energy, and sharing with ourselves. I highly recommend taking time and recharging your battery. Examples may include art, writing, personal therapy, sleep, moving our body, reading, arts and crafts, etc. Self care doesn't require a long time or a large bill and if it feels like you regularly have low energy it could be a sign to increase "sprinkles" of self care time into your routine. Like juggling, the balancing act here may take many adjustments. Depending on where you're at you may need to take it day by day or hour by hour. Being mindful and self-aware of your individual needs will be very helpful with feeling more comfortable and balanced. Stay well,
Works Cited
Thaqi, Q., Riguzzi, M., Blum, D. et al. End-of-life and bereavement support to families in cancer care: a cross-sectional survey with bereaved family members. BMC Health Serv Res 24, 155 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12913-024-10575-2 Eddy Carolina Pedraza, Gisela Michel, Aurelia Altherr, Manya Jerina Hendricks, Eva De Clercq. "Coping strategies in families who lost a child to cancer: A scoping review." EJC Paediatric Oncology, Volume 1, 2023, 100011. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2772610X23000090
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AuthorMegan Bowling, M.A., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has been in the mental health field for more than ten years and is passionate to share mental health wellness strategies. 
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