Why Is Change So Hard? A Look At Dynamics And How To Make It Easier

Have you found that you’re experiencing similar weeks and are stressing about the variables? Or perhaps you notice difficulties completing similar tasks. Whether we’re starting change, in the midst of it, or waiting on it, adjustments can have a huge impact on our mood, daily dynamics, and overall mental health. In this post we will discuss the algorithm and explore some tips on helping with a smoother transition.

​We tend to live and thrive on normalcy. I bet you tend to have a favorite place to sit in your home and we know how to act at a park versus a library. With these favorites and expectations, it can be hard for us to deviate from a normal that was set. 

Change can be harder for some populations more than others. Younger children may have a harder time adjusting to “small” details that an adult may not notice I.e big feelings over a certain color cup. Transitions to a new school year, childcare, living arrangements, etc. may be especially hard for our youth because they thrive off normalcy. Children may be limited on resources on how to regulate their needs and emotions.

Persons with neurodivergence (ie Autism spectrum, ADHD, sensory processing disorders, etc) may also be greatly impacted by change. With a greater emphasis on comfort, consistency, and preferences changes may be harder to acknowledge and adjust to.

Adjustments to change can also be affected by timeline, comforts, and emotional importance. We are generally more likely to accept a change in lunch plans versus missing out on a job we really envisioned ourselves in.

Pending any lengthy changes, such as politics, can also have a huge impact on people. With a strong emphasis on importance but often feeling out of our control. All of this is to say that change is hard! So let’s highlight some options to help make change less scary.

• Focus on our own control - with some or all parts often being left to other people's decisions, it can be helpful to focus on what is within our own control. Examples may include what we eat, how we move our body, supports we use, relaxation techniques, etc. Remember, you have more power than your anxious thoughts!

• Look for signs of change - With one of the cognitive distortions being to focus on all or nothing, we often miss the presence of progress. Let’s use a relaxation skill and with a quieter mind, look for proof of change. How much stronger we may feel, how we’re in the process of learning something, the uptick in scores, etc. I bet more progress is seen than your anxious mind could focus on. 

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• Find the consistencies - When “too much” change is on the horizon, regular schedule, tasks, and consistencies can be helpful. Let’s not underestimate the power of putting something on our schedule. 

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• Highlight the top two wins - Change often comes in segments. It can be helpful to break down the change and look for successes in some of the top areas. 

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• Increase self care and emotional regulation techniques - Sticking to healthy lifestyle choices can be especially helpful in times of change and higher stress. Even if you’re light in time or resources, try to find a few minutes to relax, move your body, drink water, get some nutrient dense foods, and take some deep breaths. Similarly, optimal sleep can be beneficial to regulating our emotions and nervous system. 

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• Use your support system - Short term therapy can be very beneficial during times of change. The focus can be on utilizing skills and processing emotions related to the change. Social supports such as religious organizations, friends, family, and community supports can all be a great resources.

The impact of chance is directly correlated with our social, biological, and physical needs. Change, even exciting change, can be a lot on the system. We may spend large amount of time focusing on it, worrying about it, and fearful of it. With the use of some of these supports, I hope the transition is easier for you or a loved one. 

Stay well,

Author

Megan Bowling, M.A., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has been in the mental health field for more than ten years and is passionate to share mental health wellness strategies.