What Does Your Inner Critic Tell you?

It’s no secret that we often believe negative comments that we tell ourselves. We are our own worst critic. While our friends and loved ones might tell us differently, we frequently don’t believe the good that they tell us. Sound familiar?

You’re not alone. It’s called mental filtering and it’s a very common type of cognitive distortion. Simply put, it’s when we tend to focus on the bad things and ignore the good. Think of using a colander in the kitchen. We clean off our food and let the “bad” rinse out. Only our brain is doing the opposite by letting the “bad” stick and all the good runs out the bottom. Sounds exhausting, right?

It can be! Anxious thoughts can be exhausting any way we look at it. Now for the good news. There’s something we can do to rectify this pattern.  At this moment you might be thinking, “this won’t work for me” or “there’s more bad than you think” and I get those feelings. I’ve been there too.

The trick is knowing that there is bad there, but there’s also a lot of good. It’s not about seeing the world through rose colored glasses but acknowledging that there’s more good there than what we tend to see.

I’ve got a trick to help you along this journey. It’s called, “good thing, bad thing, who knows.” The goal here is to look at the bad, the good, and remembering that there’s more in the in-between. Let’s look at a common concern of “I’ll never get this.” Bad thing: we’re not getting it right now. Good thing: we’ve learned new things in the past and have had good success. Who knows: I may not be fantastic at it now but never is a long time. 

Don’t worry if this idea feels difficult to you right now. Just like this last example, it takes practice and consistency to really feel like you’re mastering it. For more examples, subscribe for some FREE resources and I’ll send some for you to practice. Remember, articles and online resources do not take the place of therapy. For best results, individual therapeutic sessions allow you to practice and process thoughts and feelings.

Stay Well,
Megan Bowling, M.A., LMFT